This Just In...
Government
New Labour's Fugly ChildGregor FormerNew Labour has been at the helm in Panopticon Island now for 11 years. And what has this tenure brought? A dystopian, Orwellian police state monitored 24/7 by millions of electronic eyes; an orgy of lawmaking designed to make everything illegal including draconian laws against such thought-crimes as the peaceful assembly of 2 or more people or the expression of political dissent anywhere near Parliament; anti-social behaviour orders; local council sponsored Stasi-like snoops to watch and report on the neighbours if they fail to properly sort their recyclables or perpetrate any other minor infraction; a massive inflationary run in the price of housing that is now beginning to unwind with the obvious casualties being those at the bottom of the income spectrum; personal debt that exceeds GDP; the systematic privatisation of healthcare and education; and still one of the widest levels of inequality between rich and poor in the developed world. Nice one, Tony and Gordon.Now the banks that have scurried under the protective cloak of Gordon Frown are foreclosing on mortgages at ever-faster rates...
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The Corpse Slithers OnThe EditorsIn its never-ending quest for cheap labor and maximum profit, The Corpse has begun to view China with eyes of contempt. Not content with slave wages and a despoiled environment, the Chinese have begun to demand more pay and a better quality of life. Exit stage left for The Corpse: off to the greener (monetarily) pastures of South East Asia.Faced with an average 'unskilled' factory worker in China now having the gall to expect $120 a month for a standard 40-hour work week, big business is pulling up stakes and headed to Vietnam, Cambodia, and to a lesser extent Laos to find people to work for shit wages...
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Toward a New WorldGregor FormerHumanity fast approaches a point of no return, a moment of profound decision: whether to continue along our current path of myopic greed, distrust, and shallow desire or to evolve into true caretakers of life upon this planet. We have built systems of control that reward the few and punish the many. We treat the Earth which sustains us with indignity and disdain. More and more we place all value in material wealth and see all things through a lens of monetary worth...
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Proving Their Case Against EvolutionThe EditorsWatching the ever increasing apoplexy amongst McCain's cracker backers gives us here at The Bastard some hope for an Obama Presidency. We still do not expect anything particularly progressive to come from his residency in The White House, but we do look forward to Scanners-style head explosions across the Red States come the day after the election when these knuckle-draggers realize that their worst fears have been realized.Is it any coincidence that this rage against the notion of a black President is occurring in the parts of the US where people constantly oppose the teaching of evolution in schools? Having seen the signs being put up on road sides and front lawns and read the mindless vitriole being spat out on right wing blog sites, we have come to the conclusion that they are right about doubting the theory of evolution (at least when it applies to them!) They are correct that it is an insult to think that they evolved from apes, but not in the way they imagine: the insult is against our ape brethren. However, that said, the counter-theory (Intelligent Design ) that they put forward also does not seem to hold weight when viewed through the lens of these folk...
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The Aliens Are Coming!Gregor FormerThose who move in circles less esoteric or do not spend time time trolling the weirder corners of the World Wide Wacky are probably not aware of the buzz surrounding tomorrow, October 14th. If you think this is a joke, just head on over to your favorite search engine and type in 'October 14 UFO' and you'll find a plethora of information on the supposed arrival of the mothership filled with beneficent alien beings from Galactic Command or some other branch of the galactic heirarchy. (Personally we prefer our motherships full of funk!) Okay, more than likely you still think it is a joke. That's fine...
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KoyaanisqatsiGregor FormerThe current economic meltdown is merely the latest symptom of a larger disease: global corporate capitilism. One can only hope that unlike the numerous other symptoms that have preceded it, this particular one will be sufficiently nasty for people to move beyond treating the symptoms and start trying to cure the patient, humanity, of its disease, which, if left unchecked, is surely a terminal one. So far, the signs are not encouraging. All have amounted to the equivalent of expecting mosquitoes to come up with a cure for malaria...
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Of Hockey Moms and Beer-Swilling JoesGregor FormerThus far we have avoided jumping on the ridicule Sarah Palin bandwagon, as it is generally considered to be in bad taste to get laughs at the expense of the mentally challenged. Besides, the web is full of sites where people are partaking in the gleeful orgiastic ritual of tag-team Palin bashing. Being a more refined lot (did someone say elitist?) here at The Bastard, we like to stay above the fray. That said, there is the small matter of her (and the media's) attempts to lump together broad sections of the electorate within cutesy monikers...
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The Corpse Heads to EuropeGregor FormerHaving acquired the acquiesence of the US political class, The Corpse has turned its attentions to Europe, presumably in an attempt to push European leaders into handing over billions of euros to counter the manufactured economic crisis.One might wonder why The Corpse would engage in what would appear to be an exercise in self-immolation. The obvious answer is greed. But how do collapsing banks make money? Well, there is the bailout method, or, alternatively, by driving down share prices to the point where a bank can no longer raise capital, one can acquire assets at ridiculously undervalued prices...
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A Bastard Guide to Surviving Economic Collapse, or Monkeywrenching the BankstasThe EditorsThe Legislature in the US has done its job: protect the monied interests against the people. Now it is time for The Bastard to do its job: give the people ideas on how to get theirs back. This is not a US-only plan. This is a world wide plan...
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Wall St. Posse RepresentGregor FormerIs it any surprise that the Wall St. bailout was passed? If it is, you just haven't been paying attention. After a show of defiance on Monday by the House, the Senate took up the cause, tripled the length of the bill, passed it with ease, and handed it back. Judging by the turnaround in votes, it can be safely assumed that Monday's rejection was more a matter of that version of the bill not screwing the public enough...
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The Hostage CrisisGregor FormerHollywood has often found a comedic vein to be mined in the notion of down-and-out losers attempting to improve their lot in life by a kidnapping. The humor usually comes in the form of the inept bunglings of the hostage takers: poor planning, bad execution, and the like. Perhaps the person being shaken down for payment is more interested in keeping their money than in the safe return of the kidnapped. Either way, a simple comedic formula...
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Class WarGregor FormerIn our article 'Now What?' we somewhat disingenuously referred to any bailout plan that didn't put the bulk of payments onto the very wealthy as an opening salvo in a class war. The current class war has in fact been going on for decades. After the stock market collapse of 1929, the wealthiest members of the so-called free world were forced to give up a larger share of the economic pie to the rest of us. The percentage of wealth concentrated at the top of the income spectrum steadily dropped from 1929 until the 1970's...
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Now What?The EditorsWe here at The Bastard were sideswiped on Monday when the US House of Representatives defeated the TARP bailout plan. We had been crunching numbers, poring over the minutiae of the bill, and preparing our piece on how the bailout was going to fuck you. Just the name of the program (TARP) was ripe for comments about The Corpse hidden under the tarp, etc.Alas, it was not to be, or, at least, not yet to be...
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The Daily Bastard's Endorsement for the US PresidencyThe EditorsThe time of the US election is fast approaching and it is apparently the job of the media to endorse a candidate for the Presidency. We've looked over the field, and, frankly, we are underwhelmed. We cannot in good conscience put the weight of the Bastard behind any candidate (unless we are talking about using that weight to, say, push McGrumpy down a flight of stairs). Faced with this quandary, we feel it is our duty to put forward an alternate candidate...
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Using High Finance to Improve Your Daily LifeGregor FormerYou've seen the news, read the headlines. Multi-trillion dollar conservatorship here, $85 billion bailout there, $700 billion dollar slush fund all around; central banks throwing money at financial institutions like they were African Pop Stars; and you've thought: hey, how can I get in on the action? Where's the fund for me to discard my credit card debts? How come no one is throwing money at me when I can't even afford to file for bankruptcy?Well, fret no more. See the problem is not that people like you don't get bailouts like this; anyone can apply the principals of high finance to their day-to-day life and reap the enormous rewards that are apparent to all who watch the pros. The question is, are you enough of an amoral bastard to do it? Still not sure? Well, read on...
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